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Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
4am-reflections
4am-reflections

  1. i don’t believe anyone is actually ever going to stay. all i’ve ever known is voicemails and unanswered texts. i learn to count the days until i’m alone again rather than anniversaries. it’s always loved and lost loved and lost. so tell me, when are you leaving?
  2. these days i’m terrified to go outside. always so worried, so afraid of seeing people and feeling that pain all over against constantly on the look out, losing my breathe over every blonde i see. it doesn’t get easier, it isn’t getting better. i don’t know how to tell you.
  3. you look at me and sometimes it’s like you aren’t there. it’s like you see something, someone else entirely. where do you go? what are you thinking? when will you let me in enough to ever know the answer?
  4. i’m trying everything to prove to you that i’m worthy of being the person you let your walls down for. i would never hurt you, never let you down. it’s like every time i take a brick down you build another in its place. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what to do… tell me what to do…

four things i can’t talk to you about// 4am

scribbled-in-notebooks
I say I’m over him, and most days I mean it, I feel it. But some days I know that if he called me at 3 am, I would answer. And if he told me that everything else is wrong and only what we had was right, I would believe it. He would tell me that that other girl he dated was such a wrong decision. He would say he thought he was over me but he was so wrong. He would say he knows I am the one for him. He would say he misses me.
And I, forgetting all that has happened, would agree. I would run right back to him.
I’m over him, but some days when I’m lonely late at night, I still feel like calling him. But not because I love him, because I love that familiarity, that comfort zone.
We once read in sociology class that most people tend to resist change. There were about ten reasons to it. Fear was undoubtedly one of them, but the one that struck me was habit.
It’s not that people don’t WANT to change, or are afraid of changing. They simply couldn’t break their habits. Habits were very difficult to get rid of.
That was it. He was just a habit of mine, nothing more.
Getting over somebody is not the hard part, breaking the habit is. You might not love somebody anymore, you might even loathe them, but when something significant happens, they’re the first person you think of subconsciously. It doesn’t mean that’s where your heart is. It only means that you leaned on them for so long that just for a moment you forgot they’re not here anymore.
Now all that’s left to do is breaking out of the habit, and then there won’t be a trace of him left on me.
(via scribbled-in-notebooks)